The Onion Looks Back On Bill Belichick’s 24,000-Year Reign Of Darkness

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‘Let’s Clear Some Cap Space,’ Says Stone-Faced Bill Belichick Watching Players Dig Own Graves

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‘Find The Traitor And Crush Him,’ Announces Bill Belichick To Monstrous Linebackers Birthed From Foxborough Mud Pits

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Bill Belichick Locks Covid-Exposed Players In Room With Broken Glass Bottle, Single Dose Of Antibody Cocktail

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Bill Belichick Praises Patriots’ Discipline And Dedication In Building The Device

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Giant Demonic Hand Bursts Out Of Ground, Drags Bill Belichick Back To Hell

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Sean McVay Reveals Bill Belichick Occasionally Texted Him Photos Of Dead Animals After Games

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Bill Belichick Announces This Final Season He Will Coach In Current Mortal Form

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Michele Tafoya Crumbles To Dust After Speaking With Belichick At Halftime

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Belichick Smothers Struggling Rookie With Blocking Pad

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Bill Belichick Reminds Players They Expected To Attend Offseason Team Experiments

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Bill Belichick Gazes Fondly At Absence Of Reflection In Vince Lombardi Trophy

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Bill Belichick Keeping Warm On Sideline In Deer Carcass

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Bill Belichick Visits Hospital To Watch Terminally Ill Fan Die

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Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face

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Bill Belichick Credits Victory To His God

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Emotional Bill Belichick Wipes Away Tar Streaming From Eyes After Super Bowl

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Bill Belichick Places Rob Gronkowski In Patriots’ Injured Reserve Cage

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Belichick To Tebow: ‘I’m Your Lord And Savior Now’

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Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

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In Stunning Change Of Character, Bill Belichick Adopts Half-Dozen Dogs From Humane Society

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Bill Belichick Lauded For Volunteer Work At Local Morgue

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Bill Belichick Forgets About Loss By Relaxing In Bathtub Filled With Warm Entrails

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Bill Belichick Consumed By Insecurity, Jealousy Towards Quarterback For Years

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Bill Belichick Drops Off Recent Draft Picks In Middle Of Nowhere, Tells Them To Find Way Back

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Bill Belichick Sports Flashdance Sweatshirt

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Bill Belichick: ‘We Didn’t Win In That Last Second, Did We?’

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Cryptic Bill Belichick Insists He’s Never Heard Of A Man Named Tom Brady

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