OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesHarris Selects Tim Walz For Vice PresidentVice President Kamala Harris has chosen Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate, elevating the former teacher…
PoliticsNews In PhotosPoliticsNews In PhotosScreaming Trump Takes Out Frustrations On Person He Assumes Is J.D. Vance
LocalLocalHelloFresh Meal Kit Includes Packet Of Restaurant-Style Rat DroppingsNEW YORK—Touting the perk as a way to add authenticity to a gourmet dinner, HelloFresh confirmed Thursday that most…
EntertainmentEntertainmentThe Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Blake Lively And Ryan ReynoldsActors Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have been busy doing press for their respective summer releases, the romantic…
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsStephen Nedoroscik Under Fire After Video Shows Him Whipping Pommel HorsePARIS—Sending waves of shock and outrage throughout the sporting world, U.S. gymnast Stephen Nedoroscik was under…
LocalLocalForeign Man At Strip Club Tossing Out Totally Unknown CurrencySOUTH HACKENSACK, NJ—Baffled by the lack of recognizable flags, names, or national symbols on the paper bills,…
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesRFK Admits To Dumping Dead Bear Cub In Central ParkIndependent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. admitted he dumped a dead bear in New York City’s Central…
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsReport: 92% Of Americans Want To Be Tossed Around Like Rag Doll By Swedish LoggerWASHINGTON—In what experts are calling the most comprehensive survey of the phenomenon to date, a new report…
LocalLocalTemu Shopper Disappointed By Quality Of $1 BlenderPLYMOUTH, MI—Expressing frustration with what she sees as a widespread decline in the quality of consumer goods,…
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesJudge Rules Google Maintains Illegal Monopoly Over SearchA U.S. district judge ruled that Google’s ubiquitous search engine has been illegally exploiting its dominance to…
PoliticsPoliticsWho Is Harris’ Running Mate Tim Walz?After a great deal of anticipation, Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris picked Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as…
EntertainmentNews In PhotosEntertainmentNews In PhotosSinger Adlibs Little Laugh At End Of Track To Signify Fun Time Was Had
LocalLocalWealthy Child Horrified By Mismatched Towels In Friend’s BathroomEVANSTON, IL—Fingers trembling as he hurriedly composed a message begging his mom to pick him up from the sleepover,…
EntertainmentTikTokNow playing EntertainmentTikTokMan Can’t Believe How Much Disney World Charging For Sex With Goofy
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsStocks Plunge As Traders Realize It’s Monday And They Have To Go To WorkNEW YORK—In what experts are calling an economic downturn that could deliver shocks to markets for months to come,…
PoliticsPoliticsFederated Union Of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers Endorses RFK Jr.MONTPELIER, VT—Making the announcement from the steps of the powerful organization’s national headquarters, the…
EntertainmentEntertainmentR. Kelly Petitions Supreme Court To Watch Him PeeBUTNER, NC—In their latest attempt to have the “Ignition (Remix)” singer’s 2022 conviction for child pornography…
EntertainmentEntertainmentArtist Profile: Charli XCXCharli XCX, the artist behind the album Brat and the “brat summer” phenomenon, made headlines after endorsing…
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsEnvironmentalists Warn U.S. Running Out Of Small Wooded Areas Where Buddies Can Smoke UpWASHINGTON—In a sobering report on the impact of climate change and deforestation, U.S. environmentalists warned…
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsDivided Nation Comes Together To Keep Beach Ball In AirWICHITA FALLS, TX—Forgetting partisan battles for a moment amid laughter and shrieks of “Don’t let it bounce,” a…