What To Say To Someone Who Has Fallen For A Conspiracy Theory

Let them know that they’re not alone in their paranoid ignorance.

Nothing clears a room of conspiracy theorists faster.

Revealing yourself as the grand architect of the conspiracy is one way to potentially earn this person’s undying loyalty to you.

If they answer “Yes,” then you’ve done your best and should move on.

Now, read the teleprompter and try to look smart. God, this job rules.

Scream this while slapping your loved one repeatedly across the face.

Conspiracy theories can sometimes distract people from the real matter at hand.

You forgot you’re even more gullible than the other person and have no choice but to slowly come around to the idea that the moon landing was performed on a soundstage.

Confusing enough to end the conversation right then and there.

Hey, you’re just doing your job, and you have no idea this guy is gonna start ranting about who the real “king” is.

Get them questioning their line of rhetoric by citing one of their trusted sources.

No harm in a quick experiment to see exactly how suggestible they really are.

The proven way to get people entrenched in conspiracies to change their views is to scold them to their face and preferably in front of company.

Sometimes, a conspiracy theory about a beastly dog that lives behind a fence and eats baseballs and children is a fanciful story plucked straight from fiction.

Thank your driver, and don’t forget to tip.

What they consider evidence of a conspiracy is just evidence that they’re being manipulated by an even more powerful conspiracy. Try to open their eyes.

It can help to back up your side of the argument with, um, look, we’ll get back to you on that one.

You know that any talk of microchips in vaccines is going to get your blood boiling, so lower the temperature by changing the topic to something mutually agreeable like chemtrails or Sandy Hook crisis actors.

It’s not like they were going to ask you back, but it’s worth a shot to try to get this first date back on the rails.

You’re the manager of Topeka’s largest Panera Bread, and you need workers fast. Doesn’t matter what they believe in.

Dispel their beliefs first, provide evidence later.

You’ve got them eating out of your hand; now it’s time to start cashing those checks.

If you can keep them talking long enough, eventually they’ll tire themselves out, at which point you’re free to walk away.

Validation is key.