What Elon Musk Told Twitter Employees During His First Company Meeting

Just what a likable cool guy would say.

Probably not, but worth asking just in case.

To be fair, Musk said this while rolling his eyes and pantomiming jerking off.

Musk briefly tabled discussions surrounding verification and ad revenue to focus on identifying the accounts that are hurting his feelings.

Employees weren’t sure how to react when it became apparent that their CEO thought he had discovered GIFs.

He insisted on doing his own intro from backstage.

Just to be safe, Musk then held up a single cheese danish.

After weeks of tumultuous changes, this was the inspirational pep talk many were waiting for. ​

Allowing employees to work from home reportedly made it far more difficult to separate them by race.

Musk fired a female employee who rejected him after being asked out in the middle of the meeting.

Musk was understandably disappointed about not getting to present the Powerpoint slideshow he spent all night adding sound effects and transitions to.

Employees reported that Musk was still holding the same sink he brought to Twitter HQ several weeks after his initial stunt.

By an unofficial count, Musk repeated the Big Bang Theory catchphrase nearly 200 times in succession.

The Twitter CEO reportedly congratulated himself for a new personal record of going nearly 30 minutes without engaging in sexual harassment.

Musk then opened his mouth and proceeded to chew up an entire bottle of Adderall.

Musk attempted to end the meeting by inspiring his team to fornicate ferociously in order to repopulate the dying planet with his humble seed.

After several other unsuccessful attempts, he figured it was worth asking one last time.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.