SportsSportsSigns You Are Addicted To Sports BettingLike other sources of human happiness, gambling is a serious disease. If you do any of the following things, you…PublishedMarch 22, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLFans React To Aaron Rodgers Spreading Conspiracy TheoriesThe Jets quarterback has recently faced backlash for controversial remarks on the 9/11 terror attacks, Covid…PublishedMarch 15, 2024
SportsSportsFather And Son Enjoy Annual Tradition Of Saying They Should Attend Spring Training One DayBALTIMORE—Excitedly pulling out their Orioles jerseys and beat-up baseball mitts from the black of the closet, a…PublishedMarch 11, 2024
SportsBasketballNCAASportsBasketballNCAACaitlin Clark Announces She’s Leaving Iowa Basketball For Drama ClubIOWA CITY, IA—Revealing that the “gut-wrenching” decision had taken months to make, 22-year-old Caitlin Clark…PublishedMarch 4, 2024
SportsBasketballNBASportsBasketballNBAVictor Wembanyama’s Head Lodged Between Rim And Backboard AgainSAN ANTONIO—As they took turns trying to jump up and tap it out, the San Antonio Spurs confirmed Friday that Victor…PublishedFebruary 23, 2024
SportsBasketballSportsBasketballBasketball Player Credits Kobe Bryant For Inspiring Him To Score 4 Points In Rec League GameRENO, NV—Pointing up at the sky as he landed a bank shot, local basketball player Alan Jennings credited Kobe Bryant…PublishedFebruary 16, 2024
SportsFootballSportsFootballPatrick Mahomes Already Busy Working On Upgrading FamilyLAS VEGAS—Setting to work on rebuilding immediately after his dramatic victory in Super Bowl LVIII, Kansas City…PublishedFebruary 12, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLChiefs Pour Vat Of Hot Fryer Grease Over Andy ReidLAS VEGAS—Following a longstanding team tradition, members of the Kansas City Chiefs celebrated their Super Bowl…PublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsFootballSportsFootballAnother Field Goal Blocked By Cirque Du Soleil Performers Doing Acrobatics On Goal PostLAS VEGAS—Noting that the dazzling Super Bowl performances had been fun but largely antithetical to the competition,…PublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsNews In PhotosSportsNews In PhotosTravis Kelce Gets Down On One Knee At Midfield And Proposes To Reba McEntirePublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsFootballSportsFootballChiefs Walk 6 Miles To Game After Bus Driver Refuses To Pay $125 For Stadium ParkingLAS VEGAS—Panicked about their entire team potentially missing kickoff at the Super Bowl, the Kansas City Chiefs…PublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLJackson Mahomes Caught Groping Las Vegas SphereLAS VEGAS—In another major controversy for the social media influencer, 23-year-old Jackson Mahomes was reportedly…PublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLAndy Reid Closes Blinds, Silences Phone Before Eating Arugula And Fig SaladLAS VEGAS—Ensuring total privacy for his sumptuous meal, Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid reportedly closed his…PublishedFebruary 11, 2024
SportsFootballSportsFootballBest Prop Bets For Super Bowl LVIIIWhy spend your hard-earned money on your family when you could piss it away on trivial bets totally unrelated to…PublishedFebruary 9, 2024
SportsFootballSportsFootballHow Much Do You Know About The Kansas City Chiefs?Test your knowledge of one of the winningest football franchises in recent history by passing this quiz on the…PublishedFebruary 9, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLHow Much Do You Know About The San Francisco 49ers?In honor of the obscure NFL team that made it to the Super Bowl, take The Onion’s quiz to test your knowledge of the…PublishedFebruary 8, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFLThe Onion Celebrates Andy Reid: One Of The Greatest Minds In The History Of LunchGLENDALE, AZ—Calling timeout and coming to the aid of the team’s visibly ailing head coach during Super Bowl LVII,…PublishedFebruary 7, 2024
SportsFootballNFLSportsFootballNFL‘Fox NFL Sunday’ Producers Worried Broadcast Doesn’t Feature Enough 50-To-90-Year-Old Men Standing AwkwardlyLOS ANGELES—As they weighed making major changes to the show, producers for Fox NFL Sunday confirmed Monday they…PublishedJanuary 22, 2024
SportsBaseballSportsBaseballFrail, Emaciated MLB Players Still A Few Weeks Away From Regaining Strength To Lift Single BaseballARLINGTON, TX—Easing back into shape after a long offseason, frail, emaciated Major League Baseball players…PublishedJanuary 17, 2024
SportsBasketballNBASportsBasketballNBALarsa Pippen Confirms She’s Dating Michael Jordan’s Gym BagMIAMI—Addressing the swirling rumors about her love interest being closely associated with her ex-husband Scottie…PublishedJanuary 15, 2024