Signs You Are A Beta Male

This height actually might suggest you are a dormouse.

Alpha males stay hard long after their body has started moldering.

Alphas hunt or fuck their way to a meal.

Alphas are able to whip their opponents across the face, thus assuring sexual dominance.

You would have impressed Mommy so much, but instead you fucking ruined her day, you cuck piece of shit.

While alphas have penises that are so long they touch the floor, betas have micropenises that can be as small as 12 inches flaccid.

Unfortunately, perceiving the simultaneous splendid grace and humiliation of just being alive suggests you’re nothing more than a lowly beta.

The fact that you think you need to “get” something about Martin McDonagh’s tragicomic writing in order to appreciate his work suggests you’re an effete half-man.

Alphas don’t even wait for the animal to die before sinking their teeth in.

Should be springs under there that you have to replace every two years.

If this is you, just give up. You’re never going to find a date.

Alphas make a substantial amount of both muss and fuss.

What are you, a girl?

Milo of Croton would like a word.

Alpha males work, live, and sleep in finely tailored suits.

Ugh, humiliating.

An alpha would never step into public with fewer than 20.

You are worse than beta. You are scum.

Not a good look, cuck.

An alpha male would have landed your dream gig of senior fashion editor years ago. Guess you’re not cut out for this business after all.

Worse yet, you cover them in dainty hairs.

Physiologically, the seed of a true alpha male could impregnate a pillow.

Any alpha male knows that by the time you’re 30, there should be a whole band of lute players following you from town to town in order to record your feats.

An alpha would never conceal his manhood with a towel.

No matter how much betas scream and scream, they will never emerge from the well.

Oof, nothing says “solitary non-breeding male” more than failing to produce any calves.

Is your harem really holding a concubines-only movie marathon night, or are you just low T?

If you don’t know, you don’t know. It’s not something we can teach.

They’re very perceptive to the varying degrees of manliness.