Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

Panthers: P.J. Walker will have to put together a dominant performance if, for some reason, he wants to remain Carolina’s starting quarterback.

Buccaneers: Tampa will be lucky to leave the game in Munich, Germany with a victory and zero players giving Nazi salutes.

Bills: Analysts are calling this Stefon Diggs’ revenge game, although it’s unclear why he’d want revenge against an organization that traded him to a much better team.

Bears: Expect Justin Fields to rely on his feet, picking up the ball with his toes, and launching it downfield for several touchdown strikes.

Chiefs: Expect Kansas City to give Patrick Mahomes a break after throwing the ball 68 times last week by establishing the run for one play.

Dolphins: Tua Tagovailoa continues to look impressive when having a hallucinated conversation with Theodore Roosevelt on the sidelines.

Giants: Houston has struggled to compete on the road, at home, and in training camp scrimmages.

Steelers: Expect the Steelers to rally behind an energized Pittsburgh fan base that never has to watch a fucking Dr. Oz ad ever again.

Titans: After facing the Titans’ aggressive defense, the Broncos will be offering a high draft pick to any team willing to scrape Russell Wilson off the field.

Raiders: According to Onion Sports’ highly accurate simulation software, new Indianapolis head coach Jeff Saturday will be replaced by Happy Days actor Don Most in week 14.

Cowboys: Experts are already laying even odds that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers will storm into the visiting owner’s box at halftime and attempt to unmask Jerry Jones as a lizard person.

Cardinals: Onion Sports guest expert Colin Cowherd picked the Cardinals at least that’s what it sounded like, hard to tell, because the basement’s acoustics aren’t great and his voice was somewhat muffled by the ball gag.

Chargers or 49ers: Both these teams are going to want to run the ball. Wow, it must be nice to have a strong desire for anything.

Eagles: Washington will have difficulty playing in front of a hostile crowd consisting of a slightly different type of racists than they’re used to.