GREAT FALLS, MT—Nervously readjusting his thick and healthy follicles, local man Mike Chesper told reporters Monday…
CLEVELAND—Telling the young woman that “her chariot awaits,” local predator Seth Forsyth reportedly opened the trunk…
HILLIARD, FL—Complaining about how slow and cumbersome the entire process had been, frustrated local man Jeff Engers…
NEWTON, MA—Begging her Thanksgiving guests to calm down, take a deep breath, and try to take the high road, local…
SEATTLE—As part of an attempt to more equitably implement a strategy of profiling and mass incarceration, members of…
LANSING, MI—After waking from a nightmare and running down the hallway to their bedroom, local child Logan McMurray,…
BOSTON—Glancing at his watch as the afternoon dragged on, local priest Father Daniel McConnell reportedly admitted…
KAYSVILLE, UT—Calling on parental authorities to provide him with answers immediately, local toddler Elijah Schmitz…
CHICAGO—Shining a flashlight down a staircase that sent the renters scurrying away, local landlord Matthew Prero …
AUSTIN, TX—Explaining that it was best to put him out of his misery as quickly as possible, local father and…
LOW EARTH ORBIT—Amazed and aroused by how majestic and sexy the planet appeared from his spacecraft’s window, U.S.…
SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that the boy was falling short of the standard benchmarks of childhood development, a…
PORTLAND, ME—Saying they had been making the mornings a little cooler lately, Jewish neighbors Peter Schwartz and…
BAKERSFIELD, CA—Reminiscing about the halcyon days when obsessing over someone and painstakingly following her every…
STEUBENVILLE, OH—In an effort to achieve a fair resolution to the couple’s divorce, Jefferson County Judge Thomas…
WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Attempting to reassure himself that the home was probably up in flames right at this very moment,…
SAN DIEGO—Gasping as they noticed their son and daughter pointing and screaming at the San Diego Zoo’s primate…
SEYMOUR, IN—Calling into question the 9-year-old amateur geologist’s taste and expertise, sources confirmed Thursday…
NEW YORK—Ignoring what they apparently dismissed as just an ordinary, unassuming man with his pants around his…
NEW YORK—Following reports of the first-ever mass layoffs at Facebook parent company Meta, sources confirmed…