British People Explain Why They Support The Monarchy

“Oh, it’s because I’m a fucking loser.”

“I wish to live and die under the yoke of tyrants.”

“They paid me a lot of money to kill Diana.”

“Democracy’s only going to be a short-lived craze anyway.”

“I just like knowing that we control those pathetic island people of Montserrat and could crush those fuckers under our boots at any time.”

“As someone who is severely inbred, I’m just going to go ahead and say that this counts as representation.”

“The whole family’s kind of cute, in a fucked-up-looking-dog sort of way.”

“The monarchy is an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal past, and, Lord willing, an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal future.”

“I’ve got a rich old lady fetish.”

“I work on commission, so I say whatever I think the customer wants to hear.”

“Who knows? The heart is funny that way.”

“Hey, if they cheat on their wives enough, eventually they’ll probably end up having sex with me.”

“They’re the democratically elected representatives of the people—wait, they aren’t elected? Where the fuck do they come from then?”

“Let’s just say that Mama’s third house didn’t come from doing Peep Show.”

“The millions spent on keeping them locked up and secure in their castles is a small price to pay for not having to interact with them.”

“There’s a level of dignity and stability to be gained from supporting centuries of the stupidest fucking thing imaginable.”

“[Unintelligible slurping.]”

“I think they’re technically troops, and I always support the troops.”

“10:53 a.m., GMT.”

“What can I say? I’m a sub that loves to be dominated.”

“With any luck, I’ll marry that baby George, and then I’ll be queen!”

“Me like big nice crown! Yip-yip-yippeeeeee!!!!!!”