Americans React To Disney’s Live-Action ‘Little Mermaid’

“I didn’t like it. Ariel should have been Hispanic.”

“I knew this movie would be a woke nightmare when I saw the diverse array of fish that were featured.”

“I feel neither joy nor hatred, neither anticipation nor disgust. It is just another thing to consume on my road to the grave.”

“What’s next? An Italian Mulan?

“As a huge fan of the first one, I can’t wait to see a totally unnecessary reinterpretation of it.”

“If Disney thinks it can keep exploiting my childhood nostalgia with subpar CGI retreads like this, it’s correct.”

“I went in feeling outraged about Black Ariel and then found even more things to get mad about, which is all I can ask from a movie. Five stars.”

“I only care about money.”

“I loved the real-world accuracy of a royal prince being attracted to an underage girl.”

“First thing, keep your woke messaging out of kids movies. Second thing, not enough cleavage.”

“We’re still left with the same questions from the original about how merpeople fuck.”

“Disney continues their brilliant string of live-action remakes of their classic animated films. That’s what I was told to say.”

“You can clearly tell the scenes were shot above water. I’m sure it won’t be a huge deal, but I had to point it out.”

“I’m not interested in some Disney-fied version of a classic animated film from my childhood.”

“It’s a lovely film, but as a racist, I feel I’m obligated to hate it.”

“I won’t complain as long as there’s a gratuitous shot of Ariel’s feet every few minutes.”

“I cleared the masturbation hurdle with the animated one, so this should be a cinch.”

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